why hello there
i havent talked to you in a long time ... well i'll tell you the truth i was hiding from you for a little while, i didnt want to talk to you. you pissed me off. you made me quite angry for quite some time, but i think im over it ... but i also think i might be over you. like i like coming back and looking back on the memories... the good and the bad. but i dont know, i think that this will be a monthly visit type thing. im sorry
i will remember about you though!

goodbye
love cindi

well hello there.
i havent been on for awhile. so just stopped by to say that im still alive. and tell you alittle news. well hmm lets start simple, i finally have my ear lobes the same size now (00), so thats exciting .... i guess!
uh oh my god there was so much i wanted to talk about...and i cant remember! well actually i do remember some things
i went to camp training over the may long weekend. it was fun! and i cant wait till actual camp! its going to be crazy, but so much fun!
i saw pirates of the caribbean 3! it was nuts!!!! but it kind of turned out in the end, im guessing. well it worked out for me! i love both jacks (the pirate and the monkey!) hehe <3 so adorable...BOTH! hahaha
uhmmmmm i got some teenage girl into trouble tonight. im not going to tell you so you wait in suspense! for something thats never coming! cause i will forget. and you will remind me and then i wont want to tell you. hehe
oh im sweet! anywho
since im retarded and cant remember everything i was going to tell you... im just going to go to bed now! yay! sleep! :D nighty night my lil freak babies!
<3 cini (yes cini ... i actually didnt spell my own name wrong! alysha used to call me cini ... and i think its cute :P )

ok so i havent been one here for quite awhile ... and ive had almost 5 vodkas and 7-ups and i thought "hey why dont i see how livejournal is doing!"
so i came on here and ... its pretty much the same. sorry to say
but i guess its better then having everything change on yeah! and have to navigate through all different stuff! :)
ok so as one person knows ... lately ive been incredibly happy, and that person still only knows a little bit of it. (dammit why is it always THAT ONE person!) haha just kidding you know i love yeah! :P
anywho
well im still not going to tell that person the whole reason why im so happy! haha :D remember....i love you! haha :P
but yeah i just want everyone to know, Cindi is happy!
anyways! why dont i tell you about my weekend!
lets begin shall we?
friday- what the fuck did i do on friday? haha hold on it will come to me.....k so went to school, susie got mad at me for not wearing a hat ... but i hugged her and everything was fine again haha, uh then i went home for some nice naps haha and two showers...umm and then i believe i did stuff with susan! hehe oh right went to her house for a sleep ova! (was drunk then too! haha) watched movies, broke her bed!, then slept on the floor with her haha!.

saturday- woke up at susies home! had a shower, heard screaming got dressed somewhat haha ran outside and saw terry's (susie's sister) new car! its really cool its a good car for terry! anywho! then they drove me home in the new car! and my mum and i went out for coffee. the girl who served us was totally checking me out it was kind of cute haha. anyways!!! :P then i got a cornish pastie and some candy. then we went home, and then my dad got home from his jury duty ... it was delibiration time... (holy shit there was alot of emotions when he came home) and anyways we talked about the whole thing .. it was insanely intense. and then i did my mums makeup for her concert (for janets birthday ((susies mum))) and then she went out and i began drinking aagain. then susie came over, then we went to pricesmart then came home and made my dad some dinner ate dinner with him listened to him rant about stuff. then washed some dishes ...not all but some! haha then drank some more then went to susies house and grabbed one of my new favorite movies!!!! this movie is incredibly cute!!! im so excited i decided i wanted to see it! :p anyways then we came back to my house and wacthed it! for the second time haha ... we had to stop it at 11 so dad could watch the news. then susie my father and i all cried while watching the news. then susie said dont turn around and of course me being me i turned ... and i saw the saddest picture of this little boy. i couldnt listen to the story, i was already devistated by the picture! anywho so we watched some more of the film and then susie said i should go home so i walked her to the car, got back in, went downstairs talked with my dad alittle bit more cried alittle bit more. and then janet bob and mum got home, and they went downstairs and i went upstairs and watched the rest of my movie. then got all cuted out by the movie and then came upstairs checked msn, email, facebook, and then came on here and wrote about my ... not very well organized weekend!
sunday- well its not even sunday yet... its like 2:11 am lol so it techniquley (im drunk sorry about my spelling) is sunday ... but whatever
i think my dads taking me to the flea market tomorrow! i mean today!
oh yeah its the sunrun today. GOOD LUCK SUNRUNNERS! :D anyways i think im going to go passout now!
nighty night <3
cid

i cant stand friends anymore.
i think i should move and start over. totally new place!
fuck everyone here!
i hate everyone right now!
i want to run to sara for reasons i cant
i want to run to derek he just doesnt care like he used to
i want to run to ryan he has "worse" problems
i want to run to susie i dont want to bring her down
i want to run to cody ... he would laugh
i want to run to ...mitch! he would laugh even harder
i want to run to cory he would push me away
i want to run to steven he wouldnt give a shit he would hug me then tell me to go away
i want to run to bre ...HA FUCK THAT!
i want to run to elyse ... she wouldnt understand... shes so innocent
i want to run to sam ... he hates me now (im sorry sam)
i want to run to curtis ... hes not the same
i want to run to nick ... hes not the same either
i want to run to chris hes a pot head now
i want KATIE!!! i miss her so much!
i want sally! i wish she wouldnt have died!
i want to run to my sister shes in chilliwack
i gave up on god
i want kailey!
i really just want to run to sara .... oh my god! but thats not going to happen anymore. never again.

I WANT THE OLD ME SOOOO BADLY! so what i was a pot/cigarette smoking freak and drank all the time and did drugs and had sex and didnt know what was going on most of the time. but thats the good part of it was that i was numb i couldnt feel this pain i am now! it hurts so much. i wish it was a physical pain ... cause then it would go away. it always did for me. but its a broken heart. broken so many times its not funny. i think that parts of 2005 2006 and so far 2007 have been the worst years of my life. thats so weird the years where i was in the hospital getting my stomach pumped because i almost od'd on drugs and alcohol, and the years i found out of all the disorders and lost all my friends, and had to start a new life and lie to everyone. those should be the worst years of my life. but they arent. getting my heart broken by the love of my life sucked! then getting my heart broken again...not by the love of my life, but someone i felt fucking so much for. the year i lost my best friend/ love to mostly anime and other people, sucked so much! i pretty much died. why didnt i just take the whole bottle of tylenol that night before the christmas concert? why didnt i drink more rum? why did my muther had to come into my room right at that second? if she would have waited at least 10 more minutes..... why didnt i? i wont anytime soon...but i should have.
i wouldnt have cared. and tell you the truth if i could have seen my future i probably would have. but i had hoped that maybe it would get better. but it so didnt!
i have two best friends now ... ones to busy to see me and the others to depressed for me to hang out with ..really im already depressed. ive gone through depression so many times its just normal now. and its not only depression anyways.

but i dont want to get started on that.
whatever
just ignore it ... im pretty much used to it by now.
dont comment me on this, dont care, dont worry about me, ...i will be fine... hopefully. im not gone yet ... so i guess im alright for now.


well welcome back to hell cindi

ok
hi! update on telling people what i have done over the week ... hmm well awhile ago we all went to vancouver to get steven peirced. and i bought no.2 of 4 '95 of Tank girl. tank girl apocalypse! tank girl discovers she is pregnant in this chapter! its nuts!!
hmm then i hung out with friends a bit... i guess.
uh i went to dereks house for a movie night. we went out quite late and played hide and go seek/man hunt in the dark. that was fun! and during the first round of hide and go seek i was on the swings and Nick text messaged me! ... and im hanging out with him TOMORROW!! hehe im excited!
after i found that out i was quite happy for the rest of the night.
and today (saturday) i was SUPPOSED to go to sara's house, but see she never told me a time to come over, and she never phoned me. i would have phoned ... but i didnt want to be rude, like phoning up and being all like hey when am i supposed to come to your house? ...but whatever. everything ends ... right?
including friendships i guess. which totally sucks ... but i cant do anything about it anymore. ive tried .... hmm ANYWHO! i have a sleeping boy in my room right now. hes so adorable! hehe pauly (if you couldn't guess) and emma came over tonight around 8:00ish. now pauly's like passed out on my bed. hes so damn cute!
well im starting to get quite tired. and i dont want to think about friends anymore, so i think i will go hide myself in a book now. goodnight everybody!

cid

ok so im sick
hmmm.....i pretty much think it sucks, but meh what can you do but wait it out?
ok so i thought i had something to say ... but i really dont. oh well
i guess goodnight.





quotes i want to type down .... you dont have to pay any attention to them at all
i just want to put them here .... just because.

"have you ever confused a dream with life?"

"why are you going in?"
-"cause i see things"
"well then they should put John Lennon away"
-"im not John Lennon"

"we are very rare and we are mostly men"

"what kind of tree can you be on the floor Janet?"
-"IM A FUCKING SHRUB ALRIGHT?"








i never said i stopped loving you .... i just stopped showing it

ok wow i think its horny year this year. or something. everyone is trying to get attached to someone. oh my!
im guessing its not much horny year actually its more like "seperation anxiety" year. everyone needs another "one" to cling onto. well im glad im not "attached" to anyone right now....that would just be awkward. ... and having so many, now girlfriend and boyfriends, its going to be soooooooooooo awkward!!!! like my god. it already is with sara and sam and me. like i would love to hang out with sara and sam... but i feel like im interupting ... or something.
and derek and annie .... well anywho.
maybe i should just move to the sunshine coast .... theres people there who i dont feel awkward around. haha theyre all happy there. no ones ever sad or depressed or anything. its so exhilirating there. you do anything and its exciting!
oh by the way i ended up buying a shit load of stuff for my mum and dad. and then i made a pillow for my sister and then i made a purse for myself! its so pretty and cute!
i swear susie and i should go into the purse industry! or just sewing. we are amazing at it now!
...well im tired and i want to sleep!
so good morning but for me goodnight! hehe

k well first off happy new year and all that stuff. i had some fun on new years eve. i went to my good friend sams house. made some noise, rode some longboard, drank a wee bit of wine. it was alright.
most of the night i was just feeling kind of left out ... BUT thats not important.
i had fun.
AND what is important is that im going to my favorite place in the whole entire world tomorrow!!!!! i cant wait to get away from everyone... not trying to be mean guys ... but i REALLY need a break from the people i hang out with. i havent hung out with susie in along time (like real hanging out) and i really need to talk to her. to be honest guys ... i REALLY need to get away from my "friends" right now. i just need time away from .... well everything. (i see why derek got annoyed with my dots, i use them alot)
anywho im going to Roberts Creek. the best place on this entire earth, in my eyes!
i wish i could move there and start over. i would still keep in touch with everyone and come visit like every weekend. unless it was "roberts creek days" and the "mushroom hunt" sorry cant miss those! but yeah it wouldnt be that different.
not alot of people ask me to alot of things anymore anyways. and i ask people to do stuff and there busy with other people... so yeah. maybe it would make them want to see me more, ...or it go the other way and make them forget about me. that might be quite easy.im not that memorable.
...ANYWAYS! im excited! because im going to where im really happy! with fresh air and friendly people who give susie and i free ice cream and where we can go swimming in our jeans then dance ourselves dry. ... like come on could any of us walk to a beautiful warm beach and go swimming in clear blue water from our houses in langley? fuck no! does langley have like a week to just celebrate life? PFFT NO! we barely have a christmas parade anymore. its all advertisment. pfft whatever. langley sucks. ROBERTS CREEK IS AMAZING!!!! and i cant wait to be on the ferry to granny lee's!
and look at her pretty garden and her puppies and her ducks and her veggies and her eggs... everything there is totally wicked! EVERYTHING! i swear!
...ok im going now.
night!

so im going to go have my shower now ... but im coming back to post in awhile. hehe (wow im a dork!)


"Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent--I don't care which one--but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator!" hehehehehehehe
oh god k im alright!



k i was going to write about something ... but im not in the mood to write about it now!
hehe but dont worry its a good thing im not writing it. hehe

</a>

Which Kevin Smith Movie Are You? by jennablue!




i had to add that ... im sorry haha but i saw it and i was like oh god come on how can i resist!?!?! like come on hahaha



""White Rabbit." I need rising sound … And when it comes to that fantastic note where the rabbit bites its own head off, I want you to throw that fuckin' radio into the tub with me!" i love that line in that movie! ..... i love you Dr.Gonzo everyone says your a freak ... and ... well i agree but your awesome!

k so im going to tell the truth, every single one of my friends said that they were happy that school was out, like all there stress was melting away then... well it created WAY more for me. oh if only i could spill my guts out to everyone, but truthly i really cant. i believe if i did i would end up 6 feet under some cold dirt. so im not going to do that. I MISS SUSIE SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!! i dont know what it is about Susie that makes me feel so much better... but all i know is that i really need her!
and i need a hug from Cody, i havent seen him in along time...HES WITH SUSIE DAMMIT! Cody! be home. grrrr. i forgot that Cody is with Susie in Victoria!!! grrr. im so not happy. or i need Mitch ... he always makes me laugh even when im so depressed and nothing can make me happy... i dont know what it is about him eating stuff ... but its funny! like seriously seeing a teenage boy eat cardboard ... is somewhat funny. (anywho)
to get off that topic!
Derek, Steve, Bre, Janessa, Jacky and myself went to Metrotown yesterday. it was alright. i bought a Chronic figure!! hes amazing. but i had to fix his packaging. (KRAZY GLUE TO THE RESCUE!!) i was going to buy Bluntman ... but they, of course, didnt have him!
but then a little bit after we had another add on... RYAN! (he somehow made it alittle bit less awkward ((well for me)))
we walked around and around and around then we ended up at crystal mall...but then we went back to metro. (it was confusing) anywho. around 3 ish we went to the food court and met up with the "meet up" people! for the anime con. and i met some rather interesting creatures, who werent that bad, if i may say so myself. but after awhile we decided to head home. so we get to the bus and see one with "WILLOWBROOK" so were like ok lets get on that one... its a walk but oh well. and then supposedly we all decided to go to willowbrook. (?) but i was sooooo sore (my back) so ryan and i decided to go home.
oh right my back! i should probably tell you about that. k so it started with me up on my bed putting beautiful little ADA WONG! up on my wall so you could see her! with my music BLARING!!! (it was tool i had to) and my muther comes and knocks on my door. so i scrambled to turn my music down, but in that process my left foot had slipped on the edge of my bed (stupid blankets) then my right foot landed on the floor BUT theres a twist!!! IT WASNT FLOOR AT ALL! it was my sweater. so my foot slipped on my sweater and then to my suprise i landed back first on the corner of an open drawer to my dresser. right in the middle of my back. TWAS NOT FUN! i threw up alittle bit then passed out. i woke up totally winded and answered my door. my mum freaked out and all i could do is look at her. i couldnt speak i couldnt breathe. if i were to i would have thrown up again! it was super painful but i didnt cry once ... until i could breathe again. because thats when the pain started moving into my hips and my neck and my stomach. i pulled alot of muscles in alot of areas. after a little bit of crying i passed out again. BUT! when i was able to breathe again, i got to be lazy for the rest of the day, and watch QUEEN!!!! oh how i love you freddie! i guess im kind of alright now... its still painful! i have a bad ass scrape (hehe) and im going to have a killer bruise! (i love my wording)


oh god im looking at pictures of ...some people. and im so sad right now. (oh by the way the time between "wording)" and "oh" was quite awhile.) but my god i miss so many people right now. i miss susie, i miss sara, i miss nicole mayer, i miss katie! (so much), i miss kailey, i miss nick!!!!!!!, i miss rachel, I MISS MY SISTER!!!!!!!, i miss my old life alot right now! except the drugs and running away part...i thank the friends i have right now for making the person i am now...but i still miss my past sooooooo much! no one could ever replace those people and nothing could ever replcae those memories. i have certain smells i miss, and tastes, and sights. nothing can ever replace those. not even if i wanted it to. there are just things that will never leave my head. good and bad! but they are my memories and i have a right to them! i have a right to miss them (im arguing with my "muther" right now) i miss my past and nothing can change that. my muther says that there is nothing to miss from my past ... LIKE HELL! she doesnt know! she says my past is filled with shit! yes i will admit that some of my past isnt even worth talking about ... but most of it was beautiful! it was me when i was free! im so brought down now! everything around me is depressing! my friends are depressed (not always but alot of the time at least one is), my surroundings are depressing. everything is dead right now (i know thats because of the cold) but when i was living in the wide open on my farm everything still looked beautiful when it was freezing outside! and we could climb trees we could run through huge fields. we werent fenced in! we had room to breathe! when im here i dont dare breathe, im afraid of pollution and disease! i didnt have to be afraid of all that when i lived on my white house! it was white it was clean it was beautiful! it wasnt BROWN! see everything is depressing ... like come on BROWN?!?!?!?! brown is gross its dirty its dreary! i need the time i had in "freedom" i had no time for computers for radios for movies i had time for outside! i was in good shape i had beautiful long blonde hair. i was pretty. now i have short BLACK(depressing) hair im fucking chubby i have pimples. ...its not what happened to me! its WHY THE HELL DID I MOVE? i love my friends so much. but i think i need to get away. i need my gramma! i want casper. oh casper come back from your grave...i need you! i need to brush, feed, wash, ride you. i need to swing in the clean crisp beautiful air! i want to feel the dew in between my toes from the long grass in the farmers field. i want to play with sally again ... run around with her, feel the soft grass on my fingers, each blade running along my fingertips.
does that sound depressing? no.
i guess all i can do is dream now...
theres no passion anymore

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN!
(L)(L)(L)(L)(L)

ok so today was....alright.
i had the stupid play today. jack and the bean stalk. grr wasnt fun, i had to get my face painted as a freaking chicken... god! i didnt even look like a chicken... i looked like the frigging sun with brown around me. ok derek just said "klets play naked rober" ... HOW BOUT NO! haha oh geez. anywho. so the rest of my day was kind of stupid anyways so thats alright. saturday was the best/worst day of my life... ive already told you that .. but thats alright.
mitch is weird he chewed/licked on soap today.... it was kind of gross. then we played with it in the bandhall. so now its really clean in there.... actually theres alot of spit on the ground in there now ...so yeah. maybe its not THAT clean. meh! i really shouldnt be in yearbook right now .... im going to explode. GAH! why does this have to be me.... hugs hurt now.
god whatever!
mitch is funny! haha. k still everything sucks! DONT FREAK OUT CORY! KGISB KBUKCDHSUIOFBSDNUFHSDUIOBSCFUIDGFSDBCJKXBCUISDB gah ok ...... grr on you. yeah just grr!



oh god theres a picture of me and derek on the halloween dance page in the yearbook. you know how i know that? because i can see little girls computer.... i dont know how to spell her name! anywho!



GAAAAAAAH! anywho
hug me cody! hehe see i told you your name was in here...but you shouldnt read my journals because they are boring... and stupid. lol i just rant to myself. so its all good. but ok so mr yu is talking ... hes so weird. but oh well thats alright were all weird. ok im going to go see susie because journals are stupid right now.... alot of things are STUPID!!!!!! gah! ..... anywho!
byebye maybe later i will ....susie just put my quater in her shirt.... gaaah once again mitch is funny..





GAH!!!! ok goodbye cruel world. just kidding
good evening.

lets recall my weekend so on friday .... a crap what the heck did i do on friday....k maybe i will come back to that later. well saturday! oh boy! well i went to Traveland's christmas party! and boy was it a party! haha. this year we had comedians and alcohol! ..... not good haha. matt (guy that works there) he got HAMMERED! and got asked to go up on stage because he was the loudest one the whole night. so he goes up there and has to do sound effects for the comedians....OH MY GOD! lol hes such a dork! everytime the guy would do something first matt would meow so the guy would have to be all like "oh kitty .... get out of here" haha then matt would do the sound effect. then when the guys was "petting the kitty" matt made the sound of like ... a whale/troll (or something along those lines!)...we think! haha long story short he was frigging hilarious! haha AND NICKS TABLE!!! OH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! haha k nick won this aluminum table that folds. and holy shit trying to fold that thing up while someone is giving a speech with a drunk person is FREAKING HARD!!!! lol trying to be super quiet ... not working! haha nicks just sitting there giggling and im trying to not giggle! oh geez this is what wine and beer does to someone. haha anywho! then dancing! ooooooh geez k lets just say that the christmas party at Traveland was super awesome! then the after party at Jarod's! k i cant even explain that .... one because it was totally awesome two because some of its kind of blurred...... ok so i got a wee bit drunk ..... ok i got super drunk! ... BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?!!??!?! thats ok! lol i was happy and thats all that matters haha
AND NICK KISSED ME!!!!! k seriously out of all the boys i have ever kissed which is about like 4 haha he is THE BESTEST! swear to god he is the cutest guy i have ever seen! oh god!!!! .... k sorry guys who read this ... BUT HES SOOOOOOOOOOOO HOT!!!!!!! lol ah im happy! like come on i had a great weekend (except one flaw WHICH BROKE ME!) and THE CUTEST BOY EVER KISSED ME! but yeah that one little (actually huge for me) was just something stupid ... its all good. ... i guess! WHATEVER!
anywho .... then sunday i laid around and did laundry and then slept for like ever! then TODAY (monday) i brought pauly to school with me for the bring your toddler to school day and the toddler party! haha it was so much fun. then we went home early and laid around and played! then i went to musical theatre..... and .....that was alright i guess. then i walked into the gym ... BUT WHATEVER! anywho!
i always have fun with cody at musical theatre. hes always so nice and huggz me! CODY YOUR AWESOME! hehehe
random side note i guess haha


k well now i am off to make peoples x-mas presents! night all!
cid